The Thoughts of a Girl
by Queen Ore-sama
Summary: This is a TFIOS Poem Collection, on a wide range of topics and events in mind of Hazel. This is my first time writing for this fandom, so reviews are appreciated! Hope you enjoy! Rated T just in case. **completed, final poem has been posted.**
1. Can I, or Can I Not?

**A/N: Hello, everyone. This is my first time writing for The Fault in Our Stars fandom. I actually wrote these poems a little over a year ago for an English project. I came across them and thought, "Wow, I actually wrote these pretty well." Although my writing has improved since then, I don't want to change anything because 1) I'm pretty proud of my work and they _are _pretty good, and 2) I'm just too lazy. **

**Disclaimer:**** All rights go to the simply amazing John Green. I do not anything except for these poems.**

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><p><span>Can I, or Can I Not?<span>

(on the flight to Amsterdam)

He said it.

He really did.

Those three heavenly words,

Melting my heart like a powerful, destructive, angry fire,

Filled with passion and rage, mixing together to form this strange concoction of affection,

Yet soothing like water on bare skin,

'Drip, drip', it teases, as it quenches my thirst for love, for affection.

"I love you,"

Can three words really make me feel this way?

I want to dance, to sway, under the harmonious lights of a crystal chandelier,

In my made up fairytale ballroom, in a satin green leaf colored dress,

But I want to stop, to end these feelings I return to him,

Because I **can't **be happy. Not with him.

I cannot hurt him, no, no I can't,

Because it pains me to hear his wistful sighs when he wants to reach out and stroke my face,

But it hurts me even more to think of his screams and sobs filled with melancholy,

Echoing out into the night of the cold, dark, rainy graveyard,

When I die.

I can't put him through that pain.

I can't be with him.

_I can._

I can't.

_I can._

No, I can't.

_But the way he makes me feel,_

_Like I'm his favorite book to read on gray, rainy days inside._

_Can I?_

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><p><strong>AN: Well, how was it? I know I'm not the best writer, but I'd love some feedback. Reviews are greatly appreciated!**

**~Queen Ore-sama ^_^**


	2. Never to Fly Again

**A/N: Hi, my awesome readers! I'm back with another one of my poems. This one is slightly dark, though I like this one the most. **

**Disclaimer:**** I'm glad I don't own TFIOS. If I did, the book would've never had the brilliance and wonder of John Green's writing.**

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><p><span>Never to Fly Again<span>

(during Hazel's cancer operation)

I don't know. I don't know.

Where I am, what is happening, and who these people are,

Hovering above me, smiling so sugar sweet but so utterly fake that its sick.

"Stay still, sweetie," they say menacingly,

"This won't hurt a bit",

Even though we all know it will.

The stainless steel syringe comes toward me, like an oncoming express train,

And suddenly the train hits me.

Red, blood, covering my eyes,

I can't see, I can't hear anything but someone screaming,

_Is that me?_

Then everything is dark. Black. Quiet and peaceful.

I stretch out my hand into the pitch black oblivion,

Like a raven starting to fly away in the midst of the night,

But I never spread my wings. I never fly.

I am paralyzed, the pain lulling me to sleep.

_I may never fly again_.

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><p><strong>AN: I only got one review last time *tear* Still, thanks SO much to the guest reviewer that I can't thank on PM. You're awesome! Please review. Seriously. Please. I'll give you virtual cookies if you do. (::) (::)**

**Signing off,**

**~Queen Ore-sama ^_^**


	3. Grenade

**A/N: Hey, fellow fanfictioners. My third poem to this collection - I hope you like it.**

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own The Fault in Our Stars. But this my original work inspired by John Green's masterpiece of a book. **

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><p><span>Grenade<span>

I'm a _grenade_.

Bustling and shuffling, impatient and anxious, dangerous and unpredictable,

Filled with energy, ready to burst any second,

How many lives will I take when I explode?

I can see them, in the distance, my friends and family,

In the gray fog, crying, their tears drowning their face 6 feet deep in water,

Or lifeless and still, like a stuffed teddy bear leaning on a crooked wooden bookshelf,

With no one to support them from falling, with no will to live anymore,

All because of me.

I'm a grenade,

Waiting and ready to damage and perhaps even kill those around me.

Why can't they understand?

I don't want to hurt them, to see them crying in the gray fog,

I want to minimize the casualties after my war has been fought.

I don't want them to be wounded on the battlefield too.

This is my battle, and _mine alone._

They don't understand, **no one understands.**

I'm all alone, and this is my battle,

**_Right?_**

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><p><strong>AN: This poem is set before Hazel meets Augustus and is a big pile of melancholy and depression. Please leave a quick review. I know I don't update regularly or particularly frequently, but please understand that I'm rather busy. Updates may be a bit sporadic; bear with me.**

**Until next time,**

**~Queen Ore-sama **㈈1 **(like the emoji?!)**


	4. What Makes Me Smile

**A/N: Hi guys! I'm back with another one of my poems. Hope you enjoy! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own TFIOS. Carry on. **

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><p><span>What Makes Me Smile<span>

Everything about him makes me smile.

His witty remarks and philosophies about the simplest things,

His humor, even in the worst situations,

His laugh, his crooked troublemaker smile,

And his breathtaking eyes,

Filled with so much life, so much curiosity, so much happiness,

I bet no one can see the sadness under the surface that he tries so hard to hide, to destroy.

I love the way he dangles himself over the edge of the cliff,

So close, yet so far from death,

When he puts the killing thing in his mouth, but doesn't let it kill him.

He makes me smile, when he pulls me out of that little corner I've been stuck in for too long,

And lets me enjoy my life, to make my own choices for happiness, for life.

"I don't regret my choices", he says,

And neither do I, Augustus,

Neither do I.

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><p><strong>AN: I have to say, I'm pretty disappointed with this poem. It's probably one of my worst. But hey, I try. As usual, please review! Pretty please? With cherries and whipped cream on top?**

**Signing off,**

**~Queen Ore-sama ^_^**


	5. Fighting Our Battles

**A/N: Hi, everyone. So...I haven't updated in a while. Sorry about that. But not many people were reviewing, so I kind of forgot about this story. Sorry. I hope you enjoy this poem.**

**Disclaimer: Nope, sorry. You're looking for John Green, not me. All I own are these cruddy poems (that I'm still very proud of!). Jeez, I don't even own the characters. Rub it in, why don't you.**

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><p><span>Fighting Our Battles<span>

Sides won, sides lost,  
>Victory and death, triumph and failure,<br>Chaos and pain all on the battlefield,  
>A battle to the death.<br>When I first met him,  
>We were both still fighting our battles,<br>Relentlessly continuing on, discerning whether it was worth it anymore,  
>To keep being poked, stabbed, poisoned, and used as a mere lab rat.<br>His battle was fought silently, timidly,  
>Like it never existed at all.<br>But it would get louder, and louder, until it was over.  
>Mine is still raging on, both sides trying to conquer each other,<br>A civil war with myself, with no winner just yet.  
>His battle is now over, and tired and sore we all are, but it was well fought,<br>And now he is at peace,  
>His battle has given me the courage to still fight mine.<br>And although I might lose, I will not give up.  
>I will keep fighting till the end.<p>

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><p><strong>AN: This is the final poem in my collection. I might write more, I don't know. But probably not. I wrote these a year ago, and I've realized just how much I've changed, both as a person and as an author. But I still cherish these poems and love them. I hope you liked them too. Thanks, to whomever took the time out of their day to take a quick look at my poems. It means so much to me. **

**Signing** **off,  
>~Queen Ore-sama ^_^<strong>


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